What Do You Want to be When You Grow Up?

Within the past year or so, I have been thinking more and more about who I am as a person, a spirit, and a purposeful being on this planet.  Most likely this has been from a deep study of yoga (physical and scriptural), growing interest in alternative living, and my hoop practice.  Of course, I think one of the main theological questions among us is why am I here?  It is normal to wonder where you are going in life.

Edvard Munch "The Scream" depicting existential angst.

The thoughts were really sparked when I happen to have a conversation with my Dad about some things last summer and he commented something like: "when are you going to get a real job (I was working as a doggie daycare sitter and office assistant at the time- now I still do the office there but I work as a waitress, too)?  You are going to need a real job to buy a house and raise a family."  You see, I don't want a "family."  I love my boyfriend and after almost five years of being with him, if I was ever going to marry someone, it would no doubt be him.  But, kids?  Really?  Nah.  Not me.  I'm not part of that middle class, two story, 2.3 kids statistic. 

Father Knows Best

Just got a dog a few weeks ago and that is pretty much like having a kid.  Only your kid doesn't bark all day so the neighbors hear her or rip your trim off the door by some heroic feat.  Ha...  She is awesome, though.

But back on track here.  I have thought about different "careers" since I was in college.  I have a degree in Interior Design, unfortunately it is hard to get into the field unless you have experience and which if you are trying to get the job for experience, it obviously doesn't work.

So what do I want to be when I grow up?  Well, my "dream" career, one that is not completely impossible, but probably isn't feasible- to own/create/run a wellness center with 2-3 studio rooms for classes (yoga, hooping, and others); a cafe/bakery with healthy, all natural, and organic foods and beverages; retail shop with candles, herbs, crystals, handmade or eco clothing, and upcycled/restored furniture along with other items; health consultants; and a general gathering room where people can meet, eat, surf the net, and have an overall place to establish community.  My intention for real means of living would be to make clothes/accessories and then supplement my profits by teaching yoga and hoopdance classes.  And maybe doing some painting and drawing, too.  Pretty much just being an artist.

KK Ledford, my yoga and spiritual inspiration.

A lot of resources for "finding myself" have been popping up lately.  I have been reading a lot from The Organic Sister.  She is an awesome chick who has a wise and unconventional way of living and helping others.  Her posts are not only beneficial, they are also deep, though-provoking, and inspiring.  Her recent posts have been really hitting close to home and it seems like a sort of page from the universe.  In addition to Tara's website, I have been watching videos from soul art studio.  Laura's story is amazing and she has a spectacular way of also helping people is a different way.  I encourage you to watch these videos and really follow along with what she is saying.  I just finished video 3 and want to do the body mapping project before I move on.  It is almost impossible to ignore the words that these ladies are speaking straight to my spirit.

The Unicorn and the Pink Dragon- Laura from Soul Art Studio.

I have had a lot of things going on in the last few weeks.  Some positive, some not; even some life changing things.  In addition to that, my boyfriend has been working out of town and it has given me more time to sit by myself and think a lot.  Which could be good and bad.  It helps I have a partner-in-crime now, though.

It's funny because I have always felt I was self-expressive and true to myself, but the more I grow up and the more I explore internally, I realize I really have been nothing but the outside layers of my spirit; layers that have cloaked my true-self by my parents and those with whom I grew up around.  I read Don Miguel Ruiz's book The Mastery of Love and he really explained in simple terms why most of us are the way we are.  The book is really interesting and I recommend reading it.

In the coming months I plan on tweeking and experimenting with things in my life in hopes of becoming a more happy, fulfilled person.  I am going to try to hoop more, do yoga everyday, enjoy one dessert a day, read, not work so hard, and stop dwelling on things I cannot change or do anything about in that moment.  I will also breathe a lot more; in every stressful situation, before I go to bed, and anytime I want to just let out a sigh.  Not only that, but I will paint or craft when I have the time.  These things I want to do more of will not be all done at once, but instead be supplemented in and enjoyed when it is available.  What's the point of stressing that I should craft more or practice hoop more if I am so mentally and physically exhausted and I don't feel like it, then beat myself up for it?  Ah... just restating that intention and seeing it in words gives me such a release.

\My goals for doing a hoop class soon is still in the works.  I am trying to find solidity and frequency in my practice before I am dedicating my hooping to others.  I feel as if it would be more authentic and real.  The hoop jams are still definitely going on.  I also talked to a regular at work today that I am very friendly with.  He's an older guy, in his fifties, but he is trying to get back into photography.  He started talking about how he wanted to broaden and fill his portfolio.  I mentioned that if he needed some work that I would be willing to pay him a little if he came out and took some cool hoop pics for my website when the snow melts away.  He said he would definitely be interested!!  I gave him my website link and also told him to take a look at Hoop City to get a good idea and possibly some inspiration from the photo gallery there; and to also get a real feel about what I meant when I said I was a hoopdancer...

So, lots going on.  I am going to try to keep posting as much as I can.  I really want to designate Sundays as recipe day so that I can post some of these yummy recipes I have been trying out lately!!  New moon on Sunday.  Perfect day to really set my intentions for the coming months.  I think I might do a New Moon hoop meditation to charge it up a bit.  Look for the post on the website as usual for hooping and the moon phases.